Rashi

I was walking on the shore when I suddenly heard someone sobbing. Very few people were at the shore that day with few children playing here and there. As people on the shore were few, there was a silence over there except that sobbing sound. I was not sure from where it came, but the sound was pretty audible.It was not dark evening, the shore was lit with the moon light. The wind was blowing and I felt as if the wind was getting furious gradually. I thought storm might be arriving and I must leave for my home. But, I was able to hear the sobbing sound. Some one was sobbing continuously for all the two hours I was at the shore. I was concerned. I tried to look around for the person sobbing and OMG, it was Rashi, my office colleague. "Rashi! whats the matter dear! Why are you crying! And, you are all alone at the shore, you didn't come with anyone? By the way I didn't find you in the office today. Someone told me you had been to some hospital. Is every thing all right? Everyone in your family are fine and healthy?" I asked every thing in one go.Rashi was a very sober kind of person and very soft spoken. But to my astonishment, her answer was in the roughest possible way I had ever heard someone answering me. She yelled at me "Can you please leave me alone and mind own business? Do not try to be too smart to know what the hell I am going through. You snobs don't understand other's privacy. Just leave me alone. Leave the place dam it." I was shocked. I was really hurt. But I dared to reply my insult in an humble manner. I told: "Okey, okey dear. I shall leave. But I didn't expect such a reply from you. I was just being concerned dear Rashi." Then she turnrd her face towards the sea, her ters were rolling down her eyes. She took a deep breadth and then she told something which shocked me even more. She said: "I am HIV positive damn it." "HIV!"I was not sure of what I heard. She confirmed "yes, I am HIV positive." I did not know how I became so informal, but I asked her: "Rashi, who is that son of the bitch who passed on you this disease." Rashi looked at me with a very painful eye and replied "I have never been in any relation of such. But, I have to learn how to face these type of questions now." I was sorry, really sorry for my question. I should not have asked such question anyway. But in few minutes, I found myself giving her my shoulder and comforting her. She told me in a very low voice, "I regularly have blood transfusions. I have hemolytic anemia." I don't know what was happening to me that day, I was coming very close to her that evening and I realized I was really kissing her on the cheeks, eyes, ears, and was trying to console her in my best possible way. I think I was really concerned about her. She was relieved to some extent, but of-course, she could not be relieved completely. As we left the shore, it started raining heavily. We took shelter under a roof nearby and when the rain slowed down a bit, we left for our homes. That was the day I came so close to a lady. I was a smart guy, but I was always shy when it comes to ladies affair.We, then often met. I used to console her and inspire her every time we meet and she was becoming confident in my company. She used to read a lot. Whenever possible I used to gift her some nice books of her choice. She would say with a smile "I shall surely complete it before I am dead." I think, I started respecting her for her courage for trying to live a normal life with such a serious disease. It was a Friday night and both of us left office together. I proposed her that day. I was not madly in love with her or any thing like that. But I had great regards for this lady and my respect for her was increasing with every time we spent together. I told her on my knees in the office garage: "Would you be my lady love, Rashi? Will you marry me?" I felt her tears falling on my hands. She told in a chocked voice: "I am not meant for marriage dear. I am good to be just a friend. I am fortunate enough to have your friendship. But, I can't make a successful married life for you. I am not meant for marriage with my god damn disease. You had been too grateful to give me your company, but I can't spoil your whole life marrying you dear. No, no, no, a hundred times no. I can't marry you." I pulled her ring finger, put the ring in to it and told with a strong commanding voice: "We are marrying each other. You get it? My life will be very fine with you. I need you as my wife. You get it?" She calmed down with this. She looked at the finger with the ring with some short of disbelief as if she was not seeing something real. Tears rolled down her eyes and she whispered: "Yes, I shall be your lady love. I shall marry you."We tied knot the very next week on Sunday. We kept our wedding a low profile. Only very few close friends and family were invited. Its been seven years to our marriage. For twenty days, my wife Rashi, has been admitted in a hospital. Doctors have left hope for her survival. She is too serious. She can't even speak now. She looks at me but I don't know if she recognizes me now. But, she often looks at the ring I wore her in her fingers at the garage that day. She looks at it and tears rolls down her eyes.Today, I took her to that shore on her wheel chair. The wind gradually got furious even today. But, she was not sobbing today. She was silent as rock. She was't saying anything anymore. I parked her wheel chair near a rock at the shore and sat beside her. I sobbed today. I sobbed a lot. I sobbed for hours in that shore. I no more cared about the wind getting furious any more. Storm has already entered my life and will blow away my wife from me for ever. I was sobbing for hours in that shore beside my wife. But, no one was there to console me. Every thing about these seven years were flashing in front of my eyes. I sat there till night with my wife. Then, I composed myself, pulled the wheelchair and we returned to our home. Six months from now Rashi and me had adopted a baby girl. Rashi was too fond of her. She loved her like any thing. I was happy. Our family was complete with our baby.Rashi had told me on the day we adopted: " Call our baby by my name when I die." I said to it: "Don't be stupid. I shall give my baby some beautiful name and my dear, you are not going anywhere. I won't let you die. You get it?" She smiled and whispered "You shall call our baby Rashi." Today I called our baby "Rashi." She responded. But my wife is no more responding to my call.

Heaven Will Be Somewhere Here In

II Om Namo Bhagawate Vasudevaya II

The notes of Shepard, the music of spring;

The hills and mountains say me many thing;

The lady picking lumbers for her kitchen, the man hooting at his stallion to carry his belongings;

The adolescent standing in solitary, eyeing at every vehicle as if he knows the vehicle and the people in;

The young lassies turning their back to every vehicles as if hiding their preen beauty to every stranger passing;

The mountain is lush green in the spring;

Rocky it looks when summer peeps in;

The rain shows you the wild flowers, the exotic plants;

When you look closer, you shall find the beetles inhabitants;

Deodars stand tall, touching the skies;

They shoot up from the green mountain ground;

The step farming, the colourful houses;

Drying corn is found in every house thatches;

You can find some healthy mongrels waging their tail;

Jackals of mountain will fox you to be canine;  

On mountains, the birds are never tired;

They flutter from peak to peak and hills to hill from morning till dark;

When winter falls, snow covers the mountains and hills;

Believe me when I say, heaven will be somewhere here in;

The thick snow rug, chilled clean fluffy and white;

The cloud touches the peak as if umbrella planted there in;

Sometimes clouds cover the hill surface and clad the hills with a grey fur quilt;

So, the mountains also feel the cold sometime then?

This is something I ask about mountain now and then.

That Autumn, They Say the Autumn Wind Had Blown

II Om Namo Bhagawate Vasudevaya II

An autumn came with a leaf that hesitated to follow the season’s wind;

The leaf was dried, yet so stubborn;

Enticing in it’s divinely shade of golden sun, the curls in the leaf were taking some different direction;

Dried the leaf was, it had least flexibility, but see the guts in it that it stands against the wind;

It had left its tree, left the branch, the youth had left it and it was only to mix with soil, yet see the guts in it and its will;

The wind knows no such drills, from the start of universe it has always flown in the nature’s rule;

But who shall make this solitary leaf understand the nature’s rule?
 Perhaps it believes that an ant can swim an ocean if its will is pure and true;

The autumn king was passing by and the leaf was struggling against the wind; 

Came near the king to hear something that the leaf was murmuring;

The leaf was saying:

“O! Lord, on the tree you gave me a secured life;

I had to do my work and had a place to stand;

 Came rain, came summer or winter, I had my place to stand;

Now, I lost my green, I have turned yellow;

They say I have reached divinity and I don’t need to stand;

Wind will carry me and finally I shall be one with the soil;

But before all these, I shall return to my tree once and ask it, was I able to give my service to my best?

If I was, I shall flow with the wind and if I could not have satisfied my tree, I shall decompose at the feet of it;

This is the final service I shall provide before I disappear for ever;

With no limbs how to travel such distance my lord!”  

That autumn, they say the autumn wind had blown to carry the leaf to its tree and then away from it, away far away, from the tree;

Say it a coincident, or say that may we not know, but every effort we put is noticed by some authority;

That Autumn, They Say the Autumn Wind Had Blown

II Om Namo Bhagawate Vasudevaya II

An autumn came with a leaf that hesitated to follow the season’s wind;

The leaf was dried, yet so stubborn;

Enticing in it’s divinely shade of golden sun, the curls in the leaf were taking some different direction;

Dried the leaf was, it had least flexibility, but see the guts in it that it stands against the wind;

It had left its tree, left the branch, the youth had left it and it was only to mix with soil, yet see the guts in it and its will;

The wind knows no such drills, from the start of universe it has always flown in the nature’s rule;

But who shall make this solitary leaf understand the nature’s rule?
 Perhaps it believes that an ant can swim an ocean if its will is pure and true;

The autumn king was passing by and the leaf was struggling against the wind; 

Came near the king to hear something that the leaf was murmuring;

The leaf was saying:

“O! Lord, on the tree you gave me a secured life;

I had to do my work and had a place to stand;

 Came rain, came summer or winter, I had my place to stand;

Now, I lost my green, I have turned yellow;

They say I have reached divinity and I don’t need to stand;

Wind will carry me and finally I shall be one with the soil;

But before all these, I shall return to my tree once and ask it, was I able to give my service to my best?

If I was, I shall flow with the wind and if I could not have satisfied my tree, I shall decompose at the feet of it;

This is the final service I shall provide before I disappear for ever;

With no limbs how to travel such distance my lord!”  

That autumn, they say the autumn wind had blown to carry the leaf to its tree and then away from it, away far away, from the tree;

Say it a coincident, or say that may we not know, but every effort we put is noticed by some authority;

Another creation of some other time...

II Om Namo Bhagawate Vasudevaya II

http://ifsobbingcould.blogspot.in/

I love the gestation period

II Om Namo Bhagawate Vasudevaya II

I love the gestation period,

The period between liking and loving, the period between loving and admitting;

I love the gestation period,

The period between speaking through eyes and through first touch, the period between speaking through touch and first kiss;

I love the gestation period,

The period between wishes and reality, the period between realities being converted as the wishes;

I love the gestation period,

The period between sickness and wellness, the period between wellness and fitness;

I love the gestation period,

The period between anger and pardon, the period between pardon and smile;

I love the gestation period,

The period between scarce and toils, the period between toils and rays of hope;

I love the gestation period,

The period between rays of hope and more effort, the period between efforts and riches;

I love the gestation period,

The period between clouds and rain, the period between rain and sun;

I love the gestation period,

The period between all I wish to do and the hindrances I face in realising them, the period between realizing my wishes and really achieving them;

Greetings and Wishes!

II Om Namo Bhagawate Vasudevaya II

Let Thee Not Suspect Thyself,

Let Thee Not Suspect the World;

Let Belief Flow in Thy Blood,

Let Thee Breathe the Hope of Love;

Let Thy Dreams Never go in Vain,

Let Thee Feel the World's Pain;

Let Thee Accept the World for its Good and Bad and Let Thee Cherish all Those Time not so Bad,

Let Thee Get no Opportunity to Make a Single Person Sad;

Let Thy Goodness Win Over Thy Weakness,

Let Thy Softness Not be Thy Ignorance;